For quite some time now, I’ve been curious as to why I can buy Founders’ Centennial IPA, Breakfast Stout and Double Trouble in Alabama but can NOT purchase their best-in-class Scotch Ale, the Dirty Bastard.
Thanks to Free the Hops, we now know why. Apparently a bureaucrat (and I say that with all the freighted baggage the word implies) from the state’s Alcoholic Beverage Control Board has decided that the word “bastard” is too offensive to the delicate sensibilities of everyday Alabamans to allow such a beverage to be sold here. Of course, this could conceivably make sense in a “won’t someone think of the children” vein…if children could actually BUY alcoholic beverages. Which, last I checked, they can not.
Apparently this Victorian-era dowager on the Alabama ABC Board finds the word “bastard” so offensive that he/she wants to ensure that the 4.8 million OTHER Alabamans who live in his/her state can’t purchase one of the best craft beers in the country. This is despite the fact that I can purchase Fat Bastard wine (sold in Alabama) while watching Inglourious Basterds (released in Alabama) whilst being a bastard (technically I’m legitimate, but I’m still a right bastard).
I can’t really objectively discuss this issue, unfortunately. I LOVE the Dirty Bastard (as does my wife) and its barrel-aged cousin, the Backwoods Bastard. The fact that I can’t purchase those beers alongside other award-winning Founders beers because one person has decided what can and can’t be sold in this state based on their own insanely restrictive sensibilities is just COCKFUCKINGRIDICULOUS!!!
Sorry, like I said, I’m not very objective about this.
When you’re younger, you think the world is run by a bunch of overzealous bureaucrats. When you become an adult, you learn that things are much more complex than you thought in your rebellious teenage years. But…sometimes, the world really DOES function exactly like you thought it did when you were 17. Sometimes there really IS one nameless, faceless asshole who makes decisions based on some personal whims that negatively affect everyone else. THIS is one of those times.
For those craft beer fans that are reminded of the Michigan ABC vs. Flying Dog Raging Bitch brouhaha…yeah, this is pretty much the same thing. Let’s just hope this ends the same way. With an embarrassing black eye for Alabama’s ABC and an emphatic win for consumers across the state. Although, considering Alabama’s history in terms of doing what their constituency actually wants, I’m not optimistic.
If this makes you as angry as it makes me, then please contact Alabama’s Alcoholic Beverage Control Board and tell them how you feel about this situation. Also, please contact Founders Brewing and let them know that the only person who finds their labels offensive is some fucktard on the Alabama ABC Board. We don’t want this ridiculous verdict to affect Founders’ distribution in the Yellowhammer state, for the love of god.
As for the person who made this decision? GO FUCK YOURSELF, YOU STUPID BASTARD!!!
Sorry, did that offend you?