In days of yore, in a post about the Worst Beer Misnomers, I promised that we would compile a list of the Best Beer Names. It took some time…some in-depth research…and gallons upon gallons of beer consumed, but the Top 50 list has finally been tabulated. Before we get started, a number of caveats:
- This is just Brother Barley’s list…the other Aleheads were not consulted. I take all blame for any obvious omissions or indefensible inclusions. The list is based purely on what I could cull from my own foggy memory and the bottomless well of information that the Interwebs provides. I purposely kept this a personal list to allow for the maximum amount of derision, anger, and calls for me to be disbarred from the Aleheads Board of Governors by my peers.
- My list is solely comprised of American brews. While the UK has some hysterical beer names, it’s hard to tell if they’re intentionally hilarious or if they just get lost in translation (eg: Salopian’s Entire Butt Porter sounds funny, until you realize that “entire butt” is just an English term that means “the whole barrel”). And while the Belgians may have some funny names, I don’t speak Flemish. The Germans, of course, have no sense of humor at all and most of their beer names translate either to a list of ingredients that went into the beer or a list of ethnicities that they would like wiped off the face of the Earth.
- Most of the beer names are, obviously, intended to be funny. However, you may not find them amusing at all. Such is life.
- I broke the 50 names down into 5 Categories and will publish 10 of the names each day from Monday through Friday. This is just to keep the posts short…and to keep you coming back for more (since everyone knows that no matter how lame a list is, you always want to know how it ends). So you might as well wait until all 50 names have been listed before you begin speculating and/or flaming me for not including your favorite.
50. Smooth Hoperator (Stoudt’s): The Aleheads generally frown on Hop-related puns since there are so many of them out there. But if you’re gonna go down that road…you might as well let Sade be your guide.
48. Hell (Surly): The light-bodied Helles version of Lager is about as pale and unintimidating a beer-style as you can find. So I’m all in favor of Surly giving their Helles beer a bad-ass name.
47-45. Old Ringworm, Old Horizontal, Old Leghumper (McNeill’s, Victory, and Thirsty Dog respectively): The Brits often add the word “Old” to their beers (like Old Speckled Hen and Old Thumper). I like all three of these versions of that convention. Old Leghumper sounds like what you’d do after 10 beers. Old Horizontal sounds like what happens to you after 20 beers. And Old Ringworm sounds like the result of being Old Horizontal for too long in a pile of your own filth.
43. Mama’s Little Yella Pils (Oskar Blues): A great session beer…and a solid reference to the “candy” your Mom used to take after you threw a tantrum when she turned off Thundercats.
41. Buster Nut Brown Ale (Watch City): If you don’t know what busting a nut is, it’s what the Baron does every time he talks about the Three Floyds brewery.
Tomorrow we take a look at some “clever” beer names with numbers 40-31.