I JUST WANTED THE CHEAT CODE FOR CONTRA…HOW DID I END UP HERE?

Welcome to Aleheads.com.  I’m hoping you’ve reached the destination that you were hoping for.  Maybe you like good beer, maybe you appreciate a bit of humor, maybe you can take a joke that’s done in extremely poor taste.  Whatever you’re looking for, I hope that you keep coming back to read all of the beer related tidbits that are more or less fit to print on an obscure beer blog that very, very few people know about.  If this is your first time here, I do have a question for you.  How’d you find us?  We of course track these kinds of things and really get a kick out of the various search terms that lead wayward internet users to our humble little site.  I do have a bit of an issue though.  If for some reason you searched “if it bleeds its legal” and ended up on my site today, do me a favor.  Get the F’ out.  However, if you searched any of the terms listed below and still ended up here, welcome my friends.

We’ve been running Aleheads for almost a year now and in that time we’ve learned literally nothing about social media, blogging, or anything that would bring folks to our site.  Sure, some of us think we know, but anytime we see an influx of traffic or a day that screeches to a halt we really have no explanation that makes sense.  What we do know is that certain search terms will bring a user directly here whether they like it or not.  I’m not sure why the search term that I listed above brought some pederast to our site.  That just boggles my mind.  I do however know why the following 5 search terms are the best way you’ll end up on Aleheads without actually typing the address into the browser bar.

1) Coors Light – Yes, this is the #1 search term for our site.  I’m assuming this term does not bring repeat visitors, especially if you click on the “Coors Light” link I just posted.  When people search for Coors Light and come across an article that rips it apart, it’s probably not what they were looking for
2) Best Beer Names – Makes sense, since Brother Barley wrote roughly 182 distinct posts with some variation of this theme
3) Aleheads – Apparently that’s an obscure word that’s not actually in the dictionary.  Note to anyone out there that wants to start a blog – Make up a word for your title
4) Best Pale Ale – Who doesn’t love a Top 10 List of Pale Ales?
5) Best IPA’s in AmericaAgain, who doesn’t love a Top 10 List of IPA’s? 

So, if you Googled those terms, chances are you ended up on our site and I’m glad you did.  Those are the easy one’s though.  For an obscure site like ours, we need obscure search terms to really bring in you oddballs that actually enjoy our ramblings.  Here are some of the Alehead’s favorite unedited search terms for the past week that brought traffic to the site:

– stout cleavage
– who gives a fuck how many carbs are in beer
– velvet nut sack
– how can the people on brew masters brew a beer and not condition it before tasting it
– that donkeys being really fuckin patient
– busting a nut face
– waa waa wachusett music
– why was virgil earp in the big lebowski
– miller lite grooves coriolis effect
– google can you get beer in magic kingdom 

I can remember the gist of 99% of the articles that are posted on this site and can definitely understand why those search terms led here.  Still, I find it strange that “busting a nut face” is a valid search for Aleheads.  Anything about Brewmasters, Wachusett, Magic Kingdom, Miller Lite – We’ve written about those.  That search about donkeys though, no clue.  Anyway, here’s the rest of our favorite searches that have come up from time-to-time over the past year.  Keep going with the weird thing readers, it’s definitely working for you. 

– worst beer ever
– australian cleavage, renaissance faire cleavage, absolute cleavage (I could go on.  So many searches for cleavage end up here)
– how to pick a clever name for beer
– nut names
– craft beers cause projectile vomiting
– syrians conquer judah
– worlds biggest badonkadonk
– what is a velvet merkin
– dogfish head beers suck (No, I did not make that up)
“opossums”
– brooklyn ironic mustache
– did brewmasters get canceled
– tomacco
– harpoon winter warmer, terrible (Sorry Slouch and Barley, had to post it)
– harpoon winter warmer, undrinkable (Wait, what?)
– oh my god, there’s a dead hooker in my trunk, what do I do?

OK, I made that last one up.  Or did I… 




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3 comments

  1. Just received another one mere seconds ago to add to the list:

    “mouth golden shower”

    What the hell is wrong with you people? It’s 9AM – Don’t you have better things to search for on the internet?

  2. Don’t forget yesterday’s epic search term: “michelob gives me the shits”.

    I wonder what spurred that search?

  3. […] we did this post back in January I listed the top search terms of all time (Since February of 2010) that would bring one to […]

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