Before you start laying in on me with the, “Doc, it’s from Redhook, what were you expecting?”, just know that I went into this beer blindly. I walked into a sports bar, wanted an IPA, saw the tap handle from a distance that simply read Long Hammer IPA, and ordered up. It was the only IPA in the bar. My other choices on tap were any BMC offering my little heart desired, Stella, Heineken, Guinness, or Sam Lager. Dammit, I wanted an IPA and an IPA was what I ordered. With my 12oz “Pint” poured into my plastic “Glass”, I was ready to embark on an entirely forgettable experience.
NOTES: Draught at The Greatest Bar (Boston, MA)
STYLE: India Pale Ale
APPEARANCE: Yellowish? Ambery yellowish? I guess I’ll just say it’s a little darker than a pale lager would look.
HEAD: Minimal, but that could just be the fact that I was drinking from a plastic “Glass”. Can’t really blame the beer for that.
LACING: Left a bit of tight foam along the sides of the glass, oily residue persisted at the top.
NOSE: Here’s where it lost me. Where’s the nose? I leaned over to my a friend’s Coors Light and found more beery wafts emanating from his plastic bottle than my glass. This is an IPA, right? It smells like cheap beer. Slight, and I mean very slight, piney hops. Or is it dirt. It just smells cheap.
TASTE: Sweet up front, grassy in the middle, some malt in the backbone but really not much else going on. It simply doesn’t taste like anything. It’s sort of sweet, sort of dry. Isn’t that what Budweiser tastes like? God this beer is awful. I’m pretty sure I had the Keystone Light Bitter Beer Face on thought the entire experience. There is nothing in this beer that resembles an IPA. It’s a Pale Ale at best, but that’s really an insult to Pale Ales.
MOUTHFEEL: Lighter than light. The only pleasant aspect of this beer is the ample carbonation and slick body. It goes down quick, which is a plus. No need to let this stale fart linger any longer than it has to.
DRINKABILITY: If I weren’t holding a plastic “Glass” I would have smashed it on the counter and demanded a refund. As such, I felt impotent with my plastic vessel and needed to find some inner peace before moving onto something else. This is just complete crap, a worthless beer that needs no repeating.
Editor’s Note: The Long Hammer IPA is the exact same beer as the Redhook IPA. I’ve had the Redhook IPA before, it sucked ass, just like this beer. Could be because it’s the same thing. If I saw a tap handle with Redhook IPA on it, I would have turned around. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.