STRANGE BREWS

Mustard beer? Seriously? It didn't even make our Top Ten Strangest Beers list.

Esquire Magazine may not be the “go-to” resource for beer information, but that doesn’t stop them from writing some interesting brew-related articles now and then. Frequent Aleheads-reader and even more frequent Esquire-reader Smiley Brown just sent us an Esquire piece about the world’s “weirdest” beers. I actually think it’s a pretty spot-on list, but I’ve got a few other offerings that should probably be in the discussion.

So what beers made Esquire’s “weirdest” list?

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1. Sam Adam’s “Burke in the Bottle”: David Burke’s whimsical approach to modern cuisine makes his restaurants a worthwhile stop for any fun-loving foodie. Magnus, Smiley and I enjoyed a lovely meal at his namesake restaurant in Vegas a few years back. I still fondly recall the look of absolute delight on Magnus’s face when his cheesecake-lollipop tower arrived. As part of a “collaboration” with Burke, the Boston Beer Company brewed a beer with grilled beef hearts, black pepper, ginger, nutmeg, and clove. Reviews of the beer have not, shall we say, been kind. Salty, metallic, and “rife with cow-blood” are not generally adjectives you want associated with your brew.

 

Please...like David Burke could fit into a bottle. Have you SEEN that guy?

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2. Dogfish Head Chicha: The “star” of Episode 2 of Sam Calagione’s Waterloo (aka: Brew Masters), chicha is a traditional Peruvian beer made by chewing up kernels of corn, spitting them into a sieve, and then boiling and fermenting the resultant mash. Calagione attempted to replicate the beer by making his staff chew and spit up pounds and pounds of corn kernels. Sounds like a great place to work. Wifey McHops and I both sampled some traditional chicha on a trip to Machu Picchu a few years back. It was a frothy, creamy, tart, low-alcohol beer served in a ceramic mug. A very interesting flavor that I had certainly never experienced before. It was only after consuming two mugs that I found out how it was made. Good times.

Chamberpot? Honeybucket? Nope. That's chewed up corn and spit about to be turned into Dogfish Head beer. Mmm!

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3. BrewDog’s The End of History: I believe that we’ve talked about this one quite enough.

Cutting edge beer marketing? Or sullen teen's "art" project? You decide.

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4. Mikkeller Beer Geek Brunch Weasel: Doc and I split a bottle of this a couple of years ago before we knew that it was made with civet poop. It was actually surprisingly tasty considering its feces-based origins. So, for the record, my love of beer has caused me to consume Peruvian spit and weasel poop. Awesome.

"This beer tastes like shit!" "Why, thank you!"

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5. Duffy’s Brew Beer Shampoo: It’s not an Esquire list without one completely pointless submission. In this case, it’s shampoo made with Elysian Brewing’s Dragonstooth Stout. But how does it taste? Who could we get to drink a bottle of shampoo? Sounds looks like a job for Slouch Sixpack.

The only beer that actually gives you those comic book "drunk bubbles". Hic!

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Those are all strange enough, but why stop at 5 when it’s so easy to fill out a Top Ten list of strange brews? I’ve added my own selections to Esquire’s picks. Let the weirdness continue…

6. Okhotsk Blue: Made from melted iceberg-water and seaweed, the Abashiri Brewery’s Okhotsk Blue is, as the name implies, almost eerily, ethereally blue. While the beer might “look” like you’re staring into the iris of a flaxen-haired angel, I’m willing to bet it “tastes” like Satan’s pickled asshole.

This beer is the smurfiest!

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7. Mamma Mia’s Pizza Beer: Somewhat famous in Chicago, Mamma Mia’s Pizza Beer is the brainchild of Tom and Athena Seefurth. They call it the “World’s First Culinary Beer”. But they only call it that because it tastes good with pizza, right? They don’t actually MAKE the beer with pizza, right?!?! Wrong! A margarita pizza made with a whole wheat crust and topped with tomatoes, oregano, basil and garlic is put into the mash and “steeped like a tea bag”. The “essence of the pizza” is thereby infused into the mash and hops and other spices are then added before fermentation. As you might expect, it is not a highly-rated beer.

What the hell? I ordered the PEPPERONI Pizza Beer!

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8. Kwispelbier: David Burke isn’t the only one mixing dead cow into his beer. But in this case, it’s understandable. Kwispelbier is a blend of beef extract and malt that was created specifically as a beer for dogs. A Dutch pet shop owner created Kwispelbier so she could share a brew with her best friend after a day of hunting. In her words, “Once a year we go to Austria to hunt with our dogs, and at the end of the day we sit on the verandah and drink a beer. So we thought, my dog also has earned it.” I can’t wait to get my hands on a sixer of Kwispelbier to split with the McHops Mutts. After a long day of sitting on the couch and chewing up my shoes, I’d say they’ve earned a tall, frosty one.

This stuff must be delicious since dogs are notorious for their fickle palates. Mine will only eat the finest-quality dirt-encrusted cat-shit.

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9. Bilk: Just like the name implies, Bilk is a mixture of beer and milk (2/3 beer to 1/3 milk). Apparently Japan recently had a massive milk surplus so a Hokkaido brewery decided to fix the problem by mixing milk with beer and marketing the “fruity” results to women. Finally, a beer I can responsibly serve to my toddler!

Serve it warm for the ultimate sleep-inducer.

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10: Kidsbeer: I was just kidding of course…I’d never serve beer to my toddler. Unless it was another awesome Japanese invention…Kidsbeer! Kidsbeer began its life as a regular soda until an entrepreneur named Yuichi Asaba decided to rename the beverage “Kidsbeer” and sales skyrocketed. He then changed the recipe to make the soda less sweet and more bubbly and started bottling the beverage in brown, glass bottles with old-school beer labels and watched as the non-alcoholic “beer” began selling like hotcakes. The best part of this whole, awful enterprise…Kidsbeer’s slogan: “Even kids cannot stand life unless they have a drink.” Amen, Kidsbeer. Amen.

Yes, this is a thing that exists.

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One comment

  1. Kid Carboy Jr. · · Reply

    Hilarious. I’ve had the pizza beer. It tastes like pizza. And not in a way that will make you happy.

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