NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE

In a shocking twist, it appears that garden slugs don’t have the highly educated palates that we’ve all assumed that they possess.

http://bangordailynews.com/2011/07/21/living/garden-slugs-prefer-budweiser-over-foreign-brands/

After a great deal of experimentation (in fact, and odd and obsessive amount of experimentation), Bangor Daily News columnist Kathryn Olmstead has scientifically proven that slugs prefer Budweiser to any other form of beer (other than all the ones she didn’t test).  Her results are based on a number of blind taste tests in various plots in her home garden.

Apparently slugs love beer, and beer kills slugs.  In Kathryn’s analysis, slugs consistently passed up every other beer in favor of Budweiser.  She made this judgment based on the fact that there were more dead slugs floating in the pans of Budweiser than any others over several nights.

While I respect Kathryn’s analysis, I find myself forced to offer an alternative theory: I believe that the slugs who drank the other beers simply survived to slimily-slither back to their new slug alehouse another day, whilst Budweiser proved to be the only beer toxic to slug physiology.

It’s up to you to decide, faithful readers.

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10 comments

  1. I recommend several million dollars be allocated for more slug-based research.

  2. Beer-miester · · Reply

    Sound reasoning! I sure that I would expire if I drank Bud too….. I am going to just slime way way back to the craft beer fridge and be safe to slug another day!

  3. Beer-miester · · Reply

    maybe I should proof read my postings before launching them.. wow!

  4. I guess you could say your brain is a little SLUGGISH, post-midnight.

    Eh? Eh?

  5. So Annheuser Busch Could market buddweiser as a humane way to deal with a slug problem?

  6. Haha, I had a feeling this post might generate some interesting replies.

    Steve, I like your idea.

    Just occurred to me: anyone ever read that Stephen King short story about the guy who drinks a tainted beer and pretty much becomes some kind of toxic slug mold monster thing? I can’t remember the name of it. Anyway, don’t drink the leftover slug beer!

  7. That story always reminded me of this other, similar King story that made it into Creepshow.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Weeds_(short_story)

  8. Mrs. Draught · · Reply

    I ran a similar experiment when I was in junior high. As I remember, the Seattle-area slugs surveyed preferred Fat Tire (much to my dad’s chagrin).

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