WHAT IF EVERY BAND HAD A SIGNATURE BEER?

The Aleheads have noticed a curious trend over the past year or so…collaboration beers between breweries and bands. Ska Brewing devised a beer honoring the Toasters. New Belgium brewed a stout for the DC-based band, Clutch. And Dogfish Head recently released Faithfull Ale in honor of Pearl Jam’s 20th anniversary. That’s all well and good you might say, but when will 90’s pop sensation Hanson get their due?!?!

Your prayers have been answered my friend! The Hanson brothers announced today that they’ll be releasing an IPA called (and I’m sure every reader guessed the name immediately)…MMMhop! Well, of course they are.

This utterly ridiculous news got the Aleheads thinking (a rare event for us). Our first thought was, “has craft beer officially jumped the shark?” The answer? Yes, yes it has. Our second thought was, “what other bands need to release a signature brew?” With that in mind, Slouch Sixpack and I churned out a few fictional labels that we’d love to see on our package store shelves as soon as possible (c’mon…it’s not too late Hall & Oates!).

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Nobody likes this beer...but it somehow sold 4 million barrels last year.

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We included this just so it would look like we know something about today's music. In all honesty, we have no idea who this guy is...

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Like an Alehead, I was born to drink alone...

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Don't grab a microphone after drinking a Kanye Weiss...

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Cascade Fire is just so complex. I'm not even sure if I like it. There's just...there's a LOT going on there...

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And I'm gonna keep on chugging you/ Cause it's the only thing I wanna do

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We didn't even need a beer joke here. The album cover was just fine by itself. Still...I could go for a Hall and Oatesmeal Stout right about now.

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10 comments

  1. Kid Carboy Jr. · · Reply

    I was promised labels for “every” band, and I want labels for every band.

  2. We meant, “every band that matters.”

  3. Jimmy Hoppa · · Reply

    Pearl Jam, much like Dogfish Head, has 2-3 quality releases with the rest being crap. How fitting!

  4. Slouch wanted to include the e-mail conversation leading up to this post in the comments. In his words, he wanted people to be able to “see how the sausage is made”. Enjoy our sausages, everyone.

    SLOUCH: Should we do a post of the Top 10 joke beer/music collaborations we want to see? Right Said Fred Red?
    BARLEY: Limp Bizkit’s Chocolate Stoutfish and the Hopdog Flavored Water.
    SLOUCH: Chumbawamba Tun-Thumping.
    BARLEY: Smashing Pumpkin Ale. Beck Bock. Edgar Winter Warmer.
    SLOUCH: Guns ‘n Roses Appetite for Decoction Mashing. Britney Spears Oops… I oxidized it again.
    BARLEY: Hall & Oatmeal Stout
    SLOUCH: Good one. Watch out here she comes… she’s a fermentable sugars eater.
    BARLEY: Bruno Marzen? Kanye Weiss?
    SLOUCH: Damn you, now I have Maneater stuck in my head.
    BARLEY: Lady GuezeGueze?
    SLOUCH: Foreigner Extra Stout? WitSnake?
    BARLEY: Nice. Arcade Faro? Cascade Fire?
    SLOUCH: ESB Speedwagon
    BARLEY: Nickelbock!
    SLOUCH: Bravo.
    BARLEY: Insane Brown Posse? Or Insane Clown Porter? Or Cascade Clown Posse?
    SLOUCH: The Who: Quadrupelphenia.
    BARLEY: Vanilla Eisbock.
    SLOUCH: When I said 10, I clearly meant 50.
    BARLEY: I can assure you there will only be 10 good ones in this list at most. Speaking of 10…Ten Fidy Cent?
    SLOUCH: Consuming 3 Kanye Weiss makes you say inappropriate things when handed a microphone, 3 Ten Fidy Cents makes you bulletproof. Which ones of these are you particularly attached to?
    BARLEY: All I really care about is Nickelbock. I can actually taste that beer just from the name. It’s like a black and tan made up of Budweiser mixed with Budweiser. I also kind of like Bruno Marzen just because it’s the only one that doesn’t make us seem really old. Which we are, of course.
    SLOUCH: I had to Google the Bruno Marzen one.
    BARLEY: What’s a Google?
    SLOUCH: It’s like Alta Vista, only faster.
    BARLEY: How does it compare to Ask Jeeves? Obviously not as good, but is it close?
    SLOUCH: I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT ANYMORE!
    BARLEY: LOUD NOISES!
    SLOUCH: We can’t possibly be as funny as I think we are, otherwise we’d be famous by now for sure.

  5. Nice sausages, guys.

  6. Kid Carboy Jr. · · Reply

    Honestly, the fact that we’re all not famous is rather astounding.

  7. Kid Carboy Jr. · · Reply

    I blame our readers, personally.

  8. I blame the lamestream media and their “gotcha” tactics.

  9. Someone posted the suggestion of Bat Out of Ale on Reddit. I think that has unbelievably incredible label art potential.

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